纪念这一天

纪念二十一岁的，最后一天。

永别了。

过了这一天，未来一切一定会更好！

不会有那一年，会比二十一岁这年难捱了。

这一年我长大了很多，也经历了很多事情。感谢你们，让我成长，让我成熟，所有发生过的事情，好或不好我都会记着。

我的人生，因为这些事情加以五彩缤纷。就算是黑色，也一样是颜色啊！

二十二，欢迎你了！

让黄昏，为我的二十一画下休止符吧！

let me die

let me die in the sleep

ＵＲＧＥＮＴ！

需要，爱我, 及， 我爱，的男人，一个。


URGENT

what r u? what m i?

宇宙那么大，我只是一颗不起眼的星星

地球那么大，我只是一个不起眼的灵魂

me or men

My very 1st date, i was 17. It lasted for approximately 3 to 4 months.

The 2nd date, i was 21. It lasted for around 1 month. Felt like nothing.

The problem with being single for too long, is that i don't feel like i need to be double anymore.

Right now, the least that i need is a MAN...... but i have MEN here and there, asking me this and that.

But they are the least that i need now...... headache ! headache !

saving all my love

这世界上，没有人会比我自己更爱我自己了。

之前的两段感情，虽说并没有真正的付出过，但它们还是在我人生里留下痕迹。

曾经尝试过想付出真感情，却往往还来不及实行，就发现它行不通，真的行不通！



或许，应该说，我从来没爱过。根本不知道爱是什么！

爱一个人会是什么感觉，我更不会知道。

我不会爱

我能把爱留给我自己吗？留给不会伤害它，的我。

命中注定

命中注定

意味着什么？如果说我们生命的另一半是命中注定的，又是什么决定我们什么时候会遇到他？

为什么，还要在遇到他之前遇到错人的？为什么要经历心痛，心碎，才会遇到他？

最近心情都不是很好，爱情，友情，亲情都受到考验。

课业，考试考不完。

遇到挫折的时候，我常常都会想。。。。

他，
在那里？
在做什么？
到底在世界的那一边？
有吃饱了吗？
会因为工作而日子没过好吗？

知道我需要他吗？
知道那个所谓命中注定的，在想他吗？

自由自在

我真的很期待我能够自由自在，做我想要做的事情。

面对着这些死死的书，我真的快要活不下去了。

自由身啊！自由身！还我自由身！

超级不好的一天

要粥没粥，要鱼头米没有鱼头米。

当，很无助（ 无人帮助 ），无力 （ 2 天没吃饱 ），的时候，我当下真的只想哭。

很好，我会记着，这个时刻。

生病记=2

只有生病的时候，才会希望有一个人能够呵护我，照顾我

生病记

话说我今天生病了，先是有痰，青色的。我就拼命的喝了2 teabag 的绿茶。
然后呢，开始发高烧，就去睡一下。醒来后，还在烧，就吞了panadol。
哈！竟然开始给我冒冷汗。然后呢，我就跑去跟housemate拿vitamin C 吃。1000 mg 的。
housemate说，生病不能吃饭，要吃汤面。然后呢，就开始翻啊，找啊！应该去那里吃呢？
midvalley的 XXX？ jaya 33 的XXX？ KLCC的XXX？很兴奋呢。
好了，然后呢趁她在煲热水，我就先去冲凉。我冲好了，就轮到他冲。
噢！好久哦，饿死我。

然后呢，所谓人sui，就是sui，眼睁睁看着巴士跑掉，被逼走到 jaya 1 去等它。
真的很抱歉，我病了，声音没了，走几步路就喘。我真的没有力要说话。还要我追巴士。
整顿晚餐没说超过十句话，抱歉了housemate。你的兴奋真的感染不到我这个病人。
然后呢，吃饱了，上了巴士，真的很sui，巴士竟然没有听铃声而停下，过了我家那一站。
又要我走回去，很喘啊！很难呼吸啊！

haiz。。。。。我真的不觉得我很好，可是我忽然觉得我好像没有很坏。我竟然会为了别人开心而牺牲小我噢！虽然也不是牺牲什么啦。。。。

结论呢，我们终是只在生病，不开心，低潮，跌倒的时候才知道，谁是真真关心我们的。

此外，很多人都只是会跟人家叙苦，说自己的心事，自己的不开心。
可是，什么时候，你们才会静下来，听听别人想说的呢？

人就是这样，终站在自己的角度去想。

in depth

^




我很需要你





^

私隐之，前男友

今天housemate 问我，我的前男友是不是换了女朋友，我说没有啊！

她说他msn里的照片，那女的很象不一样了。then， 她就给我看了他现在的照片。

我第一个反应，为什么要把这样亲密的照片放上去给全世界看。

很恶心！

那照片的感觉很 AV 你懂吗？

形象全都没了。

哦！我有这样的反应，你要说我嫉妒，不爽还是什么都好。。。我能告诉你：我一点都没有！

路遥知马力，日久见人心。

我一点都不后悔和他撇清关系。

so much in love

Friend asked me? talking on the phone with lover?

NO

heheee.....in people eyes, they might think i am in love with somebody.

reason? not so sure.

but i guess i am in love with myself, now that i am happy for who i am right now.

i know how to make myself looks better, feels better and be better.

i have no body to entertain, except me myself.......which is great!

no more pleasing other people

no reasons to change who i am right now.

not even the nice face i am adoring right now will change my mind.

too bad that i am not the commitment type of person.....not now and not yet.

cheers everybody, be what u want to be , not what u need to be!

很脏

有些人，因为很闷而找你。

有些人，因为不开心而找你。

有些人，因为利益而找你。

有些人，因为觉得和你在一起会很开心而找你。

而当你不开心的时候，这些人，这些所谓的朋友，他们在那里？他们会记得你吗？

这个地方很脏 这里的人更脏

很想快快离开 好像去一个没人认识我的地方

我真的很想 很想

我不要竞争 我不要荣华富贵

我只想平平凡凡 普普通通的生活

真的有那么难吗？

我只想哭

我只想哭 只想哭 只想哭

最近很多人心情不好哦！

而我也变成了他们的倾诉对象。

听了好多， 也说了好多。


那我呢？

每一次，到了眼角的眼泪，都把它吞回去。

不开心的事情，说出来，不说出来，好像没什么分别。

还要说出来做什么？

我有一肚子的眼泪，一肚子的话，从来没说过出来。

冲进马桶去了咯！

但愿如此吧！

maskless

Tired, was preparing the Life Cont. test.....went to sleep on 3 am, woke up 8 am.

Felt asleep in the class.

Was in school 10 am until 7 pm. Tired, body, mind and soul.

Reached home on 7 pm, walked alone to photostat some stuff. Then to pasar malam.

7.30 pm, sky was getting darker and darker. I walked, and walked. Fast and i dare not to stop.

Walked alone on the dark street alone.

Reached home, relieved.

Laid, on the bed. Thinking, resting.

Facebook.

Tired soul, longing for companion.

Made a call to mum. Talked.

Hung up. Tears dropped.

Defense broke down.

Lone heart. Just for today.

Little rest, for body and soul. Before the battle. Before the real world come shattering.

a small visit paid by uneasiness

Was planning to take a short nap, ended up reading New Moon.
Not too much had i finished, just few pages, that i decided to start some studies.
And still, not too much that i managed to absorb, i laid myself back on the bed again, trying to get some sleep, since i can't get myself concentrate on the notes.
And then, again. I was distracted, by the book, New Moon of course.

Unable to concentrate on doing anything, it made me felt so uneasy.
The feeling of not knowing what actually i want to do.

For no reasons, tears started spinning in my eyes. For how long, i don't know.
Being stubborn enough, it refused to come out.
It would be a lot easier for me, if i just can let it go, if i just can let the tears drop.

huh.....the feeling of not knowing, is always so hard to deal with.

No matter how small or big it is.
Not knowing......even as minute as what to eat or do, could spoild the rest of the day.

The uneasiness, i am feeling right now.....
Uneasiness raised for don't know whatsoever reason....
argh......it is like, nothing is right...

There is nothing....but nothing.
Everything seems to be so ridiculous, even on the thing i just wrote....

whatever.....

just wanna spill something out....

wounded

It took me quite sometimes to realized that, it is more fragile than i thought.

Because it's wounded already.......

真的准到让人心痛

射手座

射手女生可能永远也不会知道自己想要的是什么，但是她一直都很清楚，她不想要的是什么。 她总喜欢做幕后的看客，冷冷地，静静地看着一切，在她眼里，一切都在她的> 意料之中，她并不觉得有什么是新奇的，如果她表现得新奇，那是因为她觉得应该这样做。她像一个看戏的人，永远置身事外。 你不要责怪她冷漠，这是她保护自己的唯一方式。她像一只刺猬，随时竖起自己身上的刺，但她的刺不会伤人，她只是用来武装自己。 她不敢要太多的爱，她怕享受完爱之后，剩下的只是加倍的痛。所以当别人对她过度宠爱时，她不但不会欣喜，反而会惊惧地逃走，她不知道怎样回报别人对她的爱，如果你得到她的喜爱，那是因为她已经知道如何面对，如何回报了。 　　她追求那种君子之交淡如水的境界。　　她懂得爱人，但她不习惯爱人，她知道爱往往伴随着恨，而恨，是太沉重的伤痛，也是太容易让人疲倦的感情。她不想痛，也就懒得去恨，于是，为了防范恨与痛的到来，她只好选择不爱，即使爱，也是淡淡的，冷冷的。别怪她，她是真的不知道如何专注。　　她有时也很虚伪。不要指责她，她之所以选择虚伪，那是你勉强她做她不愿做但又> 拒绝不了的事，她不习惯承诺，也不懂得拒绝，她最擅长的是难为自己。她不想你难过，只好令自己难过。　　她总是固执地认为自己有超乎寻常的承受力，她将自己想得太坚强，而把别人想得太> 脆弱。她老是担心自己的行为会让别人受到伤害。她不知道，受伤的其实是自己。只是她不知道如何表现出来，她迷糊得像别人所认为的那样，将自己当成一个百毒不侵的人。　　别以为她很洒脱，很多时候，她其实 是放不下的. 她比任何人都要敏感，都要细腻，但她不会让你知道，她明白，即使你知道了，也是无济于事。她的心是把握不住的风，她渴望像风一样单纯而自由。 　　她不是不想平静，她只是找不到平静的理由， 她 一生都无法明确自己在人世要扮演的角色，她只有不停地寻求，寻求自己最终的目的。　　如果她找到了，她会毫不犹豫地停下来，从此放弃心灵的漂泊。很遗憾，她永远也不会满足，她的追求永不停止。她的心再累，无法逼迫自己放弃梦想，梦想是她唯一的支撑点。　　千万别让她失望。因为她学不会原> 谅，她非常渴求完美，虽然她知道世间没有绝对的完美，但，她有绝对追求完美的执着。你若令她失望，她会不可挽回地离开，即使她的心在滴血，即使痛楚重得要压垮她的生命，她也绝不回头。　　那个时候，你在她脸上所看到的，> 是让人寒心的决绝。即使她还在你的身边，她的心也早就离你十万八千里，你看不到她的恨，但是你会感受到比恨还让人痛苦的冷淡。她的离开是心灵的离开。　　她可以在前半分钟对你好得让你受宠若惊，也可以在后半钟 冷漠得让你不可接受。不要问她为什么这样善变，她也不知道。当你看到她在疯狂地快乐或悲伤时，千万不要迷惑，不管她看起来是多么的疯狂，她内心其实是冷静的，她比你们任何一个旁观者更知道如何处理快乐与悲伤，她只是习惯 也可以说是喜欢将一切都变得疯狂。　　因为她觉得这> 是义务，也是权利，她是制造气氛的能手，她的一句俏皮话会让一切轻快起来，但她的一声叹息又会将一切都弄得很沉重。她总是不由自主地交错操纵着快乐与忧郁. 　　她并不如你们看到的那么快乐，同样，也不如你们看到> 的那么忧伤，只是，她忧郁时，喜欢带上快乐的面具，而当她快乐时，忧郁又不肯轻易放过她。　　在她的世界里，盛着的不是快乐的源泉，而是她不愿在人前滴下的泪水。你看到的她，笑起来像一个孩子，你有时会认为她天真得像是童话里走出来的天使。但是，你若有心，你会看到她沉静时脸上挥之不去的忧伤，还有她的眼底，竟那么凝重地积压着一种看破红尘的味道。她只有在午夜无人的时候，才会完全地释放自己。她不会在众目睽睽之下表露她的无助，她的彷徨，她的沧桑。 　　她心 里的，是永远流不尽的泪。你所看到的坚强，只是她在竭力掩饰的脆弱。


你觉得呢？我是怎样的一个人？像上面说的一样吗？

Happy Father's Day

The only man i love in this world, my father.
Never had the chance to let him know.

And i know he love me, though he never said it out.
I wonder if he knew i love him, cause i never said it out too.

Nothing worth more
Nothing worth me broken
Nothing

I've met the worst.

tired tired tired

i am so tired. Today was a total disaster......everything squeezed together.....
imagine 9 am to 6 pm with only 30 minutes break.
came home and had dinner only at 11 someting pm.
argh.....
miserable.....

又是很普通的一天

So today is wednesday 17 June 2009, just another wednesday in the year.
And there the alarm rang on 6.30 am, guess what time i actually woke up?

7.00 am , sure is better than yesterday. Yesterday the alarm rang on 6.30 am and i woke up on 7.30 am, that was even more terrible.

Skip that waking up part. So the story is that i woke up kind of early just to catch the 8.15 am bus. That spare me sometime to eat my breakfast. I managed to eat 1 apple and a cup of milo served with chocholate muffin.

That was kind of filling actually. The other thing was that i don't know where the first lecture will be conducted, but i knew it's either 108 or 007, so i went to 108 first, no any familiar faces, so it must be 007 then.

Then on the day, talked about us T3. The funny and special part is that when i am with my geng, i am the one making the most noise, but when i am with the other girls in the group, me and the other siao mei mei geng will be the largest contributers of noise and laughter of course.

This really is fun, and i love it. When there comes the day we will be parted, what i really can't let go will be my T3 buddies. Take note: it's my T3 buddies only.

And then again on the day, i was planning to pay my life contingencies bill. The first plan was that i stop by at PA, but then the plan changed when i realised i haven't print the bill statement yet. So that meant i have to go home and print it. The first problem occured here, the bus already passed the station nearest to my house. This made me got to walk a little farther just to reach home.

I got the thing printed, so i walk to PA. The weather was blisteringly HOT. Guess what the finance officer told me?

1) we only accept public bank debit card. WTF! i don't have rm984 in my PB debit card. But my maybank does.
2) we don't accept cash.
3) we only accept PB bank credit card. WTF! i only have Alliance bank credit card
4) you can go buy bank draft from OCBC. That meant i got to take rm 984 cash to buy that tiny sheet of paper.

So there go, i decided to buy that bankdraft. It was a real coincidence that i met the guy's geng outside PA. hey ya!

There i went to withdraw the cash from PB, using my maybank ATM card(no $$ in PB bank). RM 984, i pressed the exact amount. OPZ...can't withdraw that amount. Then i carelessly pressed again, but rm950. Aiya....gotta withdraw again, rm30 from my PB account.

Almost the end of the story already, so i went to buy the bankdraft. Get to know that OCBC's fixed deposit is 2.05% for above 3 months, but 1.++ % for above 16 months. WHAT? i thought the interest should be longer the better? Then she said currently the rate is fixed and decided by Bank Negara.

So, then i bought the bankdraft and paid my bill. After troubling so much, it took less then 5 minutes to pay the bill. What the..................hell!

And then again i got to walk back to Section 17, when i was already exhousted walked non-stop here and there for the whole 1 hour. And i still got to buy my dinner.

Arghhh....GOD, this's damn tiring you know? But i am pretty sure GOD won't know, cause GOD never walk i assume, the fly right?

Argh......this was just another very ordinary day!

I am still alive! YuHooooooooooooooooooooooooh!

很普通的一天

第一件很普通的事情，
今天，闹钟6。30 响到7.30 我才甘愿醒。说到赖床，我任第一，没人敢认第二了吧！
匆匆忙忙的赶上了8.15 的巴士，去到学校才发现今天的课是10.00 不是 9.00 。what the hell!

第二件很普通的事情，
哈，他就坐在我的正前面。WTF！虽然说我是没有任何特别感觉或异样，不过，还是不是很想看到他。烂人一个。

第三件很普通的事情，
上网看 ''dances with wolf '' , 一个听闻了很久的戏，好像很出名。
还蛮好看的其实，不过就是长了一点，4 粒钟耶！

第四件很普通的事情，
他常常找我聊天，对。
他对我有意，好像有一点点。
他忽冷忽热，对。

我，什么也不想，对。
我喜欢看帅哥，对。
叫david的那个人蛮不错，对！

最好一件很普通的事情，

很普通的去‘训教’。

today is SUNDAY

So..... like i said, today is SUNday......where we are all free to do a lot of things.
or should i say : SUNday for me, monday for some people. :)
It just happens that i don't have class on monday, so it's still SUNday for me.

One bad thing about staying home too long is that, i became lazy to step out of the house.
Lazy to tapao my meal.....just lazy.

Being too free, i happened to discover that a lot of people is getting married or just married.
Is't now a get married season?
I am glad and happy to see that, there is still happy couple out there.
People who love each other.
People who don't live with lies.
People who walk down the aisle and vow :

I, take you, to be my partner, loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know. I eagerly anticipate the chance to grow together, getting to know the (man/woman) you will become, and falling in love a little more every day. I promise to love and cherish you through whatever life may bring us.

Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you, For where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord do with me and more if anything but death parts you from me.

For the vow they have said, are the words they will keep.
For the love they are sharing, is the love they will keep, alive and growing, every second and every moment.

If you have watched Angel and Demon, you will certainly remember there is something they said about the opposite of everything.
Where there is light, there will be darkness.
Where there is live, there will be death.
Where there is matter, there will be antimatter.
Where there is happiness, there will be sadness, agony, disappointment.

I've heard about something this recently, and i've heard it before just can't believe that it is seriously happening now.
About this stuff that i and some other people, think that it is not suppose to happen.
But it is something that us, outsider can't say or do anything about it.
It's pathetic that the insider, is blind-folded. Can't tell what is true or false.

I feel sad about this.
Somehow, the blind-folded one, cannot be blame.
For i truely understand that, feeling can over do the rasionality.
Being carried by the feeling solely, choose to follow our guts, choose to believe the lies, choose to believe there is more good guy then bad guy out there, choose to believe that the world is a wonderful place.

argh....bullshit

why oh why! why women are made of water? Why do they have heart soft like water?

聚会

六月八日

早上醒来就看了 twilight ，告诉你哦，很好看，男主角很浪漫哦！ 想分享一下我最喜欢的一幕，就是男主角在窗口边慢慢，慢慢的才把女主角亲下去那一幕了。
浪漫噢！

约了琣珊去midvalley, 好久没见面了，也有一个月了吧。
她外形没变，变得，应该是思想与心情吧，毕竟也面对了一些不快乐的事情。

想告诉妳，关心你的人，不少。要保持联络，知道吗？

午餐，Paddington House of Pancake.
Set lunch 13.++, served with maincourse, beverage and dessert.

饱到。。。。。。。。。。隔壁台aunty都跑来说她饱到。。。。。。。。。。。

说一下今天的目标，血拼，不过呢，就是逛了3 粒多钟，就只买了一件裙，悲哀啊！
为什么会这样？我还是女人吗？ WHY?

一个人过生活

睡了一整晚的地板 好在没有全身痛
为什么睡地板？ 因为床单都拿去laundry了

花了一整个上午 就只是在研究怎样sign-in我的msn
结果呢！还不是弄不到

今天是这学期第二次一个人跑去打包饭 其实也没有怎样嘛 真的不知道我上个学期脑袋里在想什么

一个人过日子 真的没什么不一样

望一望今天打包的午餐 分量还真的有一点少 不能把一半当晚餐 怎么办呢？
一个人过日子 这应该就是坏处了吧！


所以呢！ 我晚餐到底要吃什么？

blog warming

Blog Warming

just moved here from windows live space

hmm...

not in the writing mood.

later lah...

i'll just post this up 1st.